


I Despise You

by goldenzingy46



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, F/M, I tried to write fluff, James Potter Bashing, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Multi, Romance, Tragedy, Tragic Romance, Unhealthy Relationships, because i like james, but it's angst, honestly i try to write something nice and it just decided to be toxic, i honestly hate myself, which I did by accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:41:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24876358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenzingy46/pseuds/goldenzingy46
Summary: Severus Snape has always hated James Potter.Which, of course, means he's head over heels in love with him.Wait, what?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Severus Snape/James Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 78





	I Despise You

Severus Snape hated James Potter. He despised every atom of his being, the smug smile on his face and the way he walked. The way he never seemed to study yet got good marks on every test - never better than Severus, though, never - and the way he would push his books to the ground and catcall Lily in the halls.

Yes, Severus Snape hated James Potter.

Which, of course, means that he fell in love with him.

_Wait- what?_

Somewhere along the way, inbetween the sly smirks and pranks and hatred, he'd fallen head over heels for the enigma that was James-bloody-Potter.

Now all he had to do was tell him.

*

James Potter did not expect a note from Snivellus, of all people, telling him to go to the Astronomy Tower alone at midnight. He almost didn't go, but curiousity won out and he found himself facing Severus Snape.

*

How the hell was he supposed to say this?

Sometimes, the simplest answer is a kiss.

*  
And thus, a secret relationship begun. Insults that meant something more, shoving each other to slip notes, kisses in dark hallways and running from Filch hand-in-hand. Nights where they were soft and tender, but mostly they were rough, because that's who they were. James Potter and Severus Snape, enemies.

Nobody would suspect a relationship between two rivals.

"Potter, I despise you!" Severus cried, and later, pressed up against a wall in the dead of the night, he told him he loved him.

"Severus, I love you." James said, and then the next day he cursed him and told him just how much he hated him.

And then they broke up.

It had been a darkened evening, and Severus had a trail of lovebites down his collarbone, head resting on James' chest, when he had noticed that something was up.

"What's wrong, my love?"

James sat up abruptly, and Severus nearly tumbled to the ground. 

"James?"

"Snape..." he started, and Severus knew something was wrong, if he'd reverted back to last names.

"James. What's wrong, tell me!"

"I think we should break up."

It was like a vice had just grasped Severus' heart, and he could only stare in shock. James- James didn't just- just-

"James...?" He knew his voice was pitiful, but what could he do?

"Snape. Leave."

"Very well then, _Potter_."

Severus hadn't realised they could get more vicious. Things thrown towards his cauldron were bashed away and back to Potter's, and he feel a smidge of satisfaction when the cauldron blew up. Shoves were all sharp angles and pain and insults were meant to scar. Things would go missing for both of them and the next thing they knew, they were engaging in hate sex in empty hallways.

"I depise you, Snape," Potter would hiss in his ear and all Severus could think was _do I love you or hate you more?_

Then that stopped too, and Severus listened more and more to the war propaganda in the Slytherin common room.

Potter dangled him upside down and threatened to take his underwear off and all Severus Snape knew was _he wouldn't stoop low enough to tell them of our relationship, right?_

Then Severus Snape lost his best friend and did he blame the Slytherins or James Potter?

James' patronus was a stag, perfectly contemplating his own doe.  


Lily's was a doe too.

Lily and James were dating, and Severus Snape had never felt more hurt. Logically, he knew neither of them cared about him anymore, but it still hurt.

He joined the Death Eaters, throwing curses and he came face-to-mask with James Potter and he spat, "I despise you!"

In hindsight, Severus should have known that he'd get the response he got, really.

Severus Snape gave the prophecy to his Lord.

Severus Snape asked him to save the life of his childhood friend, ignoring the scream in his heart that said James Potter.

Severus Snape stepped over James Potter's lifeless corpse and cradled the corpse of his childhood friend, ignoring his heart crying out to James Potter.

Severus Snape protected James' son because of Lily, insulted him because of James, tried to pretend he wasn't still hopelessly in love with James Potter.

Severus Snape died telling James' son he was in love with Lily.

The only people that knew that Severus loved James Potter was James Potter and himself, and he took it to the grave.

James Potter.

And when he met in the afterlife, he looked him dead in the eye, and said "I despise you," all the while ignoring the scream in his heart.

After all, if you asked anyone, they'd tell you he hated James, so it must be true, right?

Severus Snape ignored the scream in his heart that called out to James Potter.

Severus Snape hated James Potter.

**Author's Note:**

> You could... poke your head into my [Discord server](https://discord.gg/37bXdGW)? I don't bite (much)!
> 
> Alternately, you could pop into my mess of a Tumblr [here](https://goldenzingy46.tumblr.com/), or my writing Tumblr [here](https://goldenzingy46butwriteblr.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Comments and kudos sustain me :)


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